Let's see what Shane says in terms of allowing me to explain the piece, and whether you like the concept of it or not, I think there are subtleties in the copy that everyone here could implement, but, are not seeing them due to being on the "inside looking out".
Thanks,
James
[FONT="]Breakdown: [/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="]THE USP: [/FONT]
[FONT="]We Help Professional Women Who Struggle To Find The Time To Keep [/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="]Their Carpets Clean, Get Fresh, Healthy Carpets & Upholstery In As Little As 3 [/FONT][FONT="]Hours[/FONT][FONT="] While Providing Our Flexible Scheduling Guarantee. [/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
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[FONT="]Just as said in the forum, with the USP, we're capturing the target audience by speaking directly to them. Illustrating their pain point (not enough time to keep the house clean), and then addressing another need with flexible scheduling, by guaranteeing it.[/FONT][FONT="] [/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
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[FONT="]The only hesitation I would have with this USP would be based on how targeted your list is. If these are being sent to households with couples, the woman/wife/girlfriend may find it offensive that the USP is assuming it is their responsibility to keep the house clean. As these are business professionals, most likely empowered/feminist type.[/FONT]
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[FONT="]Also, you'll notice the “3 Hours” commitment. I would take the shortest time possible for you to clean a room, and go with that time. By saying something ambiguous like “same day”, to me, a potential customer, would think that either means 1 hour, or up to 24 hours. So be specific, but also keep in mind that as the copy is precursored with “in as little as”, you do not have to make a commitment to the time.[/FONT][FONT="] [/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
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[FONT="]Headline:[/FONT]
[FONT="]"How Are Your Dirty Carpets & Upholstery Effecting Your[/FONT][FONT="]Health?"[/FONT] |
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[FONT="]With the headline I ask more of an open ended question. I noticed when reading a lot [/FONT][FONT="]of carpet cleaners post cards that the headlines were questions like, "Got [/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="]Stains?", which is a Yes, or No question. If the reader doesn’t have stains, they’re either in or out right there.[/FONT][FONT="] [/FONT]
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[FONT="]Also, hitting on the factor of health is always a big thing these days, it's safe to [/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="]say, most people will want to know how the carpet in their house may be effecting [/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="]their health. Especially business professionals who want to stay sharp and can't afford to miss work (the copy maybe too presumptuous in thinking they will be [/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="]thinking in those terms, but still, health is a universal concern.) [/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
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Sub Head:[/FONT]
[FONT="]According to the Center for Disease Control: airborne irritants caused by dirty carpets & upholstery[/FONT][FONT="] [/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="]cause disease and illnesses such as:[/FONT][FONT="] [/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="]- Asthma - Bronchitis - Cough - [/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="]- Pneumonia - Fever - Itchy Eyes -[/FONT][FONT="] [/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
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[FONT="]Rather than going in with empty claims about how their dirty carpets may be effecting their health. We grab them right off the bat, by bringing information from the Center for Disease Control. Giving credibility to your claims/copy. As soon as they read this they’re thinking, “it’s gotta be legit”.[/FONT][FONT="] I actually found this stuff in reports from the CDC. [/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
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[FONT="]Body:[/FONT]
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[FONT="]Think Your Carpet Is Clean? Think Again.[/FONT][FONT="] [/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="]The Average Homeowner's Carpet Harbors 200,000 Bacteria Per/Square Inch! [/FONT]
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[FONT="]After reading the CDC facts, I'm sure in many readers mind they will be thinking, [/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="]“Yeah, well my carpet isn't dirty so I don't have to worry about that.” So this line [/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="]should hook them back into realizing that this isn't just one of those "Only OTHER [/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="]people have those problems" sort of scenarios. I have to admit, this is a random [/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="]stat I pulled from the net, that I can't verify, which I hate! But, it's still powerful. [/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
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[FONT="]With Our "3-Step Cleaning" Formula, We Kill 99% Of Germs & Bacteria [/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="]The First Time![/FONT][FONT="] [/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
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[FONT="]Here we offer them the solution. This is actually why I was asking you if you could [/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="]tell me your process. Saying things like Our "3-Step Cleaning" Formula, makes it [/FONT][FONT="]look like you have some magical process that is unique to you.. a mini-USP! So, [/FONT][FONT="]swap the number “3” out with your actual number for the process. [/FONT]
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[FONT="]Also, if EVERYONE has [/FONT][FONT="]the same process, good, but you're the one who is touting it, so to the victor goes [/FONT][FONT="]the spoils (platitude?!). [/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
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[FONT="]We Know You're Busy... With Our Flexible Scheduling Guarantee, You Propose 2 Separate Cleaning Times, If We Fail To Accommodate These Times The Service [/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="]is Free! [/FONT]
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[FONT="]Here we are coming to clarify the USP in which we explain the flexible scheduling guarantee. I really can't comment on if this is feesable or not, I don't know how big your crew is. However, if you even have the capacity to honor the FIRST proposed time, that would obviously be even more powerful. Not sure how you would want to work this. But, as you said, this is one of [/FONT][FONT="]their pain points, here's the solution. [/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
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[FONT="]Call Us Now For a FREE Inspection To Determine If Your Home Is Putting Your Health In[/FONT][FONT="] [/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="]Danger![/FONT][FONT="] [/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="]1-800-WE CLEAN[/FONT][FONT="] [/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
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[FONT="]Alright, the call-to-action, this line positions you as the hero who can tell them if [/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="]their house is in fact a toxic wasteland or not. It also positions you subconsciously as a trust-worthy person who is only going out there to SEE (keyword is “determine”) if they could use your services to safe-guard their health. I can think of a couple other ways on how to test this call-to-action, but I'd give this one a shot first. When you're asking your prospect to take the first move and making it that they actually have to talk to someone who is trying to sell them a service, you invariably suffer a [/FONT][FONT="]lower response rate a lot of the time. [/FONT]
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[FONT="]Attn: Professional Business Women [/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="]Flip This Card Over... [/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="]Your Health Depends on It.... [/FONT]
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[FONT="]The front is just a strong call-to-action by calling out your target market to turn [/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="]the card over and actually READ The copy, cause that's all you really need the [/FONT][FONT="]front of the card to do. [/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
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[FONT="]Follow up:[/FONT]
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[FONT="]I would keep track of who contacts you and who doesn't. The people that DON'T contact you on the initial mailing, I'd hit them with a similar variation, but push the adverse health effects of having pets with talking about [/FONT][FONT="]some nasty disease I found on CDC site. [/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
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[FONT="]I'd follow up once more, and hit the biggest pain point possible, a slightly smaller [/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="]market, but those with kids. And really push the fact that these people need a [/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="]clean house for their kids sake! [/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
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[FONT="]I don't think I need to tell you this, but by attacking the health angle out the [/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="]gate, once you're in the door for the inspection, you can very naturally say, [/FONT][FONT="]"While I'm here, I'm happy to check out your ventilation system for you, as [/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="]everything you read on the post card, is amplified with dirty vents!" [/FONT]
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[FONT="]Keep me posted on the results![/FONT]