Worst Sales email I've Seen

[Blue Monarch]

How about this for a crappy letter. Even if I was thinking of using them, this letter would have stopped me from EVER doing so.

Hi Dirk,



Why haven’t you called me to start your Perceptionist service?


My guess is that it’s one of three reasons:


1. I have done something to offend you.
2. You are not interested in increasing your annual revenue by 20% for only about $180 a month.
3. You want desperately to call me to start your Perceptionist service, but are trapped under something heavy, and cannot reach the phone.


I'd consider it a personal favor if you'd let me know if the problem is one of these, or something I didn't think of.


If it's # 3, email me back and I'll send help.


Thanks,



Jennifer Marburger

Sales Supervisor

Perceptionist Inc.

866-652-5968 Toll Free

614-384-7500 Local

 

[Josh Adler]

yea i got that email today too.....

Kinda remind me of Joe Polish

 

[hogjowl]

Personally, I really like it.

It's short, to the point, and has a slight pissy tone to it.

 

[Jim Pemberton]

Marty

You didn't add your favorite part:

She didn't use a PS

 

[Rex Tyus]

I think it is kinda funny. But then again I have a sense of humor. I much prefer emails to phone calls from solicitors.

 

[hogjowl]

Thanks for reminding me Jim. I knew there was something else that was special about that letter.

 

[Jim Pemberton]

Perceptionist should love this........63 views since the thread began.

 

[Blue Monarch]

A hint of sarcasm could of helped this piece out a lot.

 

[Rex Tyus]

DUDE, That thing is drenched in sarcasm. Admit it. It is funny shit and it just happened to catch you the wrong way.

 

[joey895]

Would that letter compel me to call them, NO. But it was kinda funny and was dripping in sarcasm. It certainly wouldn't cause me to not call them.

 

[Blue Monarch]

You're right. I guess I could consider most of it sarcastic. Not number one though. I consider hounding the chit out of me offensive.

 

[Fred Homan]

I got the same email from them too....